All the Difference

Author: Oro

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: I dont own Josh and Sam. But ohhhh how I wish.

Notes: To Danielle on her shitty day.

 

Joshs heart aches and even though its been that way for a while now, it suddenly feels like a new sort of pain. His need to differentiate the kinds of pain is sort of upsetting for him, but he doesnt pay too much attention to it, only when he catches himself do it and suddenly becomes self conscious about his thoughts. The pain pierces him from within and he cant tell whether its the scar or his loneliness, so he decides its the latter and so he goes to the one place he knows hell find comfort, which he does.

 

Its always been that way for Sam and Josh, since before Josh came to get Sam from New York, since before Lisa, since before they forgot what it was like when they werent friends. They hate to admit it but its the foundation of their friendship and theyre both usually comfortable with it.

 

They curl up together on Sams futon, and Josh inhales the scent of the room Sams scent through his once punctured lungs. Sam dreams that Josh dies and Josh calms him down. Im alive, he says, see this? This is me being alive. And Sam smiles with sadness in his eyes, his vision still blurry from the mist caused by the nightmare, and his lover is suddenly overly aware of his scar. He kisses Sam nonetheless and tells him to go back to sleep. He clings to Sams warmth as he falls asleep in his arms, and Josh thinks hes thinking about the way the moonlight spills over Sams face but he isnt.

 

Sams body moves under his arm, causing him to blink, and its morning. The sun permeates slowly through the semi closed blinds Sam had installed on his windows the previous year after a freak accident, something with a ball and a, hell, who cares. He didnt notice hed fallen asleep and after his eyes get used to the weak light, he realizes he might have not. As he ponders this, Sams warm breath reaches his chest, causing Joshs body to shiver slightly at the light graze of air with his skin. Im glad youre not dead, he tells Joshs chest, half asleep. I dont know what I wouldve done without you.

 

And that makes all the difference.